Turn differences into opportunities to co-create a new partnership

We got this gift of love, but love is like a plant... You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.

- John Lennon

Most of us have been taught if we find the right love partner, we will live happily ever after.  We believe all we need is love.  If tension appears, we conclude we have fallen out of love and all is doomed.  But differences are unavoidable, even in the best of relationships.

Each of us bring our “differences” into relationships right from the start, but we often submerge them in our attempts become a couple.  As time goes on these differences show up.  When faced with conflict and perceived threats to our well-being, our intimacy survival skills kick in.  This unconscious pattern for intimacy formed from early childhood experiences, causes us to act in automatic ways to protect ourselves from hurt and pursue our needs in ways that actually thwart the very love we crave.

We wind up defending, blaming, withdrawing, placating, instead of empathetically connecting to our partner because no one taught us how to do it differently!  As frustration grows, we unconsciously rewound each other.  This is why the person you fell in love with, now is seen as a source of pain and anger.

The good news is you can replace automatic defensive responses with conscious actions that transform differences into opportunities for true understanding, give and take, and a partnership that is truly nourishing, fun, and alive.

As your couples therapist, I will teach you how to:

• Reduce reactivity and increase empathetic connection

• Listen with understanding

• Constructively ask for what you want

• Be connected with your partner without loosing yourself

• Work out differences without blame, shame, or power plays

• Get unstuck from entrenched patterns

• Co-create an alive, intimate, and joyful partnership

Licensed Clinical Social Worker serving Campbell, Cupertino, Los Gatos, Morgan Hill, San Jose, Santa Clara, Saratoga, Sunnyvale and nearby areas.

621 E. Campbell Ave., Suite 11D, Campbell, CA 95008                  (408) 448-3611